Sunday, August 15, 2010

To make a fool of yourself on paper, or to not make a fool of yourself on paper - That is the question.


So, today I did something new. I guess you're supposed to do something new every day, but I don't always get around to it... I like to think that everything I do can never be the same, no matter how many times I repeat it. Because life is irrepeatable.

Well, todays irrepeatable act is this: Today, I applied for my first job.

It's not even a real job - it's called a "practise". But anyway, the "practise" I applied for is this job at a radio station, where you get to produce your own radioprogram. Cool, I know, right? In the program, you get to produce your program, meet some of the talented hosts that work at the radio-station, get classes in interviewing technique, be the host, producer and the reporter of your program AND (this is the part that really appealed to me) you get to make your own DJ-program, where you pick all the songs you want to play yourself! I am so psyched about that part - I live and breathe for music, talking about music, listening to music, performing music, and it will be so amazing (if I get the job) to try it all out in a radio-program!! I recently bought a ton of CD's from amazon, so I'm all prepared if I actually get the chance to choose music for my poor listeners... If they don't like rock, alternative and indie, that's just tough luck. Haha-HA!

Here is some of the music I have been listening to lately:

It's all really good stuff, and I love it all. I dare you to click the links - you might even like it!

Well, I thought the job-practise-thingy sounded really interesting, anyway, and since it's manditory for students in the 9th grade to have one week working at a job-practise in start of the school year, I thought "Why the hell not?"

I'll tell you why. It's friggin' terrifying.

This could be me, after about the 2nd time I reread and changed my whole application.

All I had to do was send an e-mail, telling the people working at the radiostation about who I am, what my interests are, why I want to join the team, and what I think I'll get out of the practise week. Okay, no problem, I thought. I'm good on paper. Words are my thing. I can send an e-mail! I'm an intelligent, interesting person with a lot of experience in music, writing and performing - I can do this!

Good luck, pee-brain.

I just sent my application to the e-mail on their website. I so hope it's the right one - would be embarrassing if I sent it to the totally wrong person..... Oh god. Now I'm all paranoid. Must agree with myself not to open the answering e-mail, if the title is "Who are you?". I'm hoping that I didn't sound way to eager and over-confident. I have a sneaky feeling that I did. In the add they had on their website, they wrote that our application should be "around ½ page"..... I wrote a whole one. I was on the verge of writing two. I pounded the whole thing to around 5 billion times, checking for errors, rephrasing again and again, until I knew it all off by heart. It would even be horrifying to me, if I had spelled something wrong - my name, for example.

I love music, I love performing, I love singing, I love talking about music - but I'm really really scared of this job. Or more, if I get rejected. What if I don't get it (which is probably the most probable thing that will happen)? Can they not like me, even though they don't know me? I was pretty sceptic about the job at first - but now that I've written my application, I have molded myself into their view of the perfect candidate, and I have done this so thoroughly, that I can almost delude myself into thinking that I already work there. I have gone absolutely mad with enthusiasm, and typed untill my fingers felt numb. I just hope it's good enough.
Me singing. I was preparing for a show we put on at my school last spring.

Anyway. With all that said, I'm actually pretty optimistic about all this. If I don't get the job, I'm fucked. But I guess that's okay too. At least now I know I've tried my best. I spent time on my application, I fretted about it, I considered what it would be like to actually get the job. And now, I can forget about it.

At least until I see the inbox of my e-mail.

Thanks for listening,

I Am Roseberry.

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