Too Big For The World

So. Hi.

Just came back yesterday from skiing in Val d'Isere, France. But somehow, my vacation fades into the background of my conscience, in the light of my newest discovery. Skiing isn't important. A week of food and painful ski-boots, and a tan that makes me look like a panda, isn't important. Something else is.

On my way home, I had a lot of time to think. Sometimes I like being left to myself, listening to music, reading and just daydreaming. Gradually, I got a really strange feeling.

It's hard to describe. It all started with an article about Kasper Winding.

I just remember sitting in the cab on the way home, contemplating an article I had read on the plane. It was an interview with the musician Kasper Winding. I hadn't really heard about him before I read the article, and therefore, I didn't know what to expect. It was basically an interview about his long and Winding road in life, and about how there's nothing wrong with changing course, making a new plan, and making the most of your situation.  It was mostly his way of thinking, that really caught me. His most catching sentence was "There's nothing wrong with plan B". You might understand how I feel a little better, if you read the article, that was featured in Berlingske this Saturday. The article is called "Tre ænder til Monsieur Winding - og hvorfor man skal satse på plan B, hvis man vil have et spændende liv"

But for now, here is a quote from the text:

What do you try to pass on to your children?

I try to give them plan B. And plan C and D. Because there isn't anything wrong with plan B, as long as it leads to something fun and enriching. Maybe you have your heart set on a certain plan, that has to work. But if you are a little open sometimes, you'll find out, that you maybe should have gone in another direction -- and then you shouldn't be too proud, to go over there. Instead of sticking to the old plan, because you have decided on it, and told the whole world about it. It doesn't matter, anyway. I think that it's important to have an attitude to life, in which you can always go back, or turn around. And teach yourself to change saddles with a minute's notice.

Something about this article, or more Mr. Winding's way of thinking, shook me to the core. I must admit, I'm a bit of a control freak. I have to do everything right; I always have a plan, and even more importantly, things have to go according to that plan. But from reading that article, that stupid little article about a musician whom I had no idea who was, I realized something about myself:

It doesn't matter, if plan A goes wrong. 'Cause there's nothing wrong with plan B.

Let's just say that I was left with an intense respect for Kasper Winding. And a hunger for life, experiences, color, cities, people, emotions, plans gone wrong, choices made in a split second, thoughts spoken without thinking, dreams being followed, pictures taken, music played, crowds cheering, joining demonstrations, working for free, standing up for a cause I believe in, growing up, tearing myself loose from everything I know, moving to a big city, living the life I've always dreamed of. Realizing that I'm too big for the world, that it's okay to explode, go wrong, yell, cry, laugh, dance and everything else that's a part of life! I want to do all of these things, and just, well..... live. Really live.

It sounds too abstract, but all these emotions started cirkling around inside me in the cab. I can do anything I want! My life can take an unexpected turn, and I can make the most of it! I can make mistakes, glorious mistakes, and I can laugh at them, revel in them, believe in them. I don't know if I knew this before, but I do now.

I have a life in front of me -- whether it's long or short, happy or sad, hard or easy, I don't know. And it doesn't matter. I just want to live it.

Starting now.

 

I feel like I'm high or something. I bet I sound ridiculous. But I think that you have to feel it to know what I'm talking about. It's a kind of intense relief and happiness and giddiness and just general delight in the world. Ah. I feel like I should be doing something amazing today to mark the occasion. What occasion? Just in this moment, I'm alive, I know that it'll be all right, I'll find myself eventually -- right now, I'm too big for the world.

I'm gonna go out and do something fantastic. Or not. Who cares!

Thanks for listening,

I Am Roseberry