Sunday, October 21, 2012


So. Hi.

This is how I feel every time I wake up with a pounding hangover.

You may or may not know the feeling. Head pounding like a drum. Feeling like you sprained your entire body (fingers, toes, shoulders, abdomen, ears), aching all over. Sniffling and snuffling like a sick grandma. Hands and lips dry like the Sahara. Eyes smudged with mascara, and hair sticking out all over the place, as if you're impersonating a vampire-Einstein on meds. Shaking every so slightly every time you get up (and deciding that nope, it's not worth it to walk the excruciating hike to the kitchen, even though you yearn for a coffee the size of your head with a need that's slightly overwhelming). That slight feeling of regret, embarrassment and "what happened last night?" lingering, no matter how you try to distract yourself. Smelling like you rolled around in an ashtray, and coughing like you swallowed it. Your voice reduced to the raspy growl of an old black man. The rest of the day already partially ruined due to your current state, you decide to sit, lie down or simply wither away for a good couple of hours, before you do anything meaningful.

Sounds lovely, right?

T H E    H A N G O V E R 

The not so good morning 
A brutal awakening, were you tear out of your drunk confused dream, all tangled up in sheets, breathing heavily, your bed reeking of smoke, alcohol and smelly teenager, feeling slightly confounded as to where the hell you are, who you are, and most importantly: what happened last night?

Realizing the depth of your hungover state
... And that you are, indeed, going to die from this hangover. It will be the end of you. You stand up, and it's all you can do not to fall smack-dab on your face. You want to die, better yet, just disappear off the face of the earth, to a place where there are no headaches, no puking and no hangovers. Realizing that you shouldn't even attempts to move, and collapsing on your couch.

 Treating your hangover
Everyone has their special cure for a hangover; endless amounts of orange juice, a milkshake with eggs and cough syrup, watching "The Holiday" for the millionth time while holding a pillow, lying in the toilet for a few hours, hot water bottles and blankets, a mug of coffee that's big enough to swim laps in, food so greasy that it shouldn't be called "food" but "lubricant"... Whatever helps abolish the hangover, you cling to it desperately.

(I simply MUST own this)

 The realization
That you brought this on yourself. That you are stupid. That you will feel better (after consuming various hangover-detox products). That you had a great night (or not so great), and that you knew what was coming on the morning after. That you will never drink again (mahahahaha). And that the hangover is just a healthy sign of your body telling you, that you treated it like crap. And that you need to spend the entire day making yourself feel better.

Happy Hangover. Hope you don't feel as shit as I do.

Thanks for listening,

I Am Roseberry.

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